The plane was fun. We sang silly songs, we devoured delicious morsels, and we learned new card games. I was having a great time, but I felt a strange tingle in my chest. At the time it meant nothing, but it grew stronger. I now regret every second of ignorance. The plane descended from the sky, and a flame of rage exploded before my eyes. As we glided downwards, I saw sights of my fellow friends in their black uniforms, as they closed their eyes, and stayed behind. The sight of death made me quiver, and uncertainty of survival was my brain's top priority in thought. I made an effort to grasp onto them, but my attempt failed.
I awoke to a bunch of lush, green trees. I rose my head slightly to discover a lagoon in front of me. I had clamber over piles of plane parts to touch the edge of the water. My feet felt calmed and relaxed. I decide to take a break and I fell asleep. A while later, I awoke, to only speculate on what had just occurred. Where am I? What happened? I knew that I needed to do something.
I awoke to a bunch of lush, green trees. I rose my head slightly to discover a lagoon in front of me. I had clamber over piles of plane parts to touch the edge of the water. My feet felt calmed and relaxed. I decide to take a break and I fell asleep. A while later, I awoke, to only speculate on what had just occurred. Where am I? What happened? I knew that I needed to do something.
"Haummmm" I heard a strident noise. "Haumm" Another Human? I followed the noise instinctivley. As I kept following, the noise made my head jumble. The grating of the vines let subtle hints of light beam on my face.
After a few minutes of walking I arrived to a sight of several boys. They were all gathered around a boy with a decorous conch. My face became pallor at the thought of survival. The boy was standing next to another fat kid. We elected a leader. One kid was really vain. He was constantly loud. He kept interposing us talking about how great he was. I voted for the kid with the conch because I felt like he would make a greater leader. The clamor from the crowd gave me a sense of confusion and desperation.
Some of the kids left us to go hunting, and the fat kid really wanted to go. When they told him he couldn't, he seemed indignant. I hope we aren't stranded, and if we are, I hope we are rescued very soon.
*Note: Soft Blows (The Title) is Representing the Blows on the Conch
3 comments:
William,
in the second paragraph you stated:
"I awoke to a bunch of lush, green trees. I rose my head slightly to discover a lagoon in front of me. I had clamber over piles of plane parts to touch the edge of the water. My feet felt calmed and relaxed. "
I thought that the description in this piece, made it very easy for me to see.
"Haummmm" I heard a strident noise. "Haumm" Another Human? I followed the noise instinctivley. As I kept following, the noise made my head jumble. The grating of the vines let subtle hints of light beam on my face.
In this piece it also is very descriptive, i really like the noise that your said the conch made, even though you did not say it was the conch.
your class-mate,
Nikki
William,
I think that you have a very interesting way of writing.
"I awoke, to only speculate on what had just occurred. Where am I? What happened? I knew that I needed to do something.
"Haummmm" I heard a strident noise. "Haumm" Another Human? I followed the noise instinctivley."
In this piece i liked the way that you told us what you herd but never told what it was. you also asked a lot of questoins, which i think is a very coolway of writing!
-William
Good job on keeping it short and sweet:) It was as though the charater was looking back on this event after some time. But I have to say somethings that should help so here it goes... I think you should have started out explaining the plane a little more. I think I could help your already good story a bunch. So if you gave an introduction, ex: Miles of clouds, miles of clouds were all around me. Under me was miles of sea. I was running away from a war on this plane. As awful as it may seem...(rest of story) It could help a bit if you eased into the story. But you did a good job on how they had fun and how he felt guilty about it.
good work, Leyla
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